No.2129
day 51... muse reacquired after 13 days of being cold shouldered, belittled and rejected... we're back....
No.2130
not caffeinating to finish the piece, I deserve to oversleep today, wait mine canvas like I waited this day chat.... it's almost done anyways...
No.2135
File: heh.png (514.86 KB, 1696x954)
No.2140
>>2139whatever tho love her sm fr fs fs whatever we take a nap we keep painting scool saulgood man!
No.2148
hate the bolone,
makes the pulse louder,
death drive console,
"so then, why keep on injecting?"
faustian bargain,
put the pulse on a clock,
turn the hourglass start counting down too the grains,
not just mechanic, feel it,
feel the life slipping away with every,
every waking,
burning, too you ARE dying,
how long is left?
another decade at most,
unless liver? will be fine I think,
urgent, dying, mech flesh ride it,
disintegrating, must leave a mark,
when it flat, lines,
get to peacefully throw,
the towel out
No.2149
time to be admittedly, disgusting.
how so? keep short, gets boring to monologue
push pull, abuse is legacy, and pain is hot potato
so you mean...?
find a bitch, easy, "I'd pay for the date but..."
typical, let me guess, after that-
ring-ring, unanswered,
wait, again, wait, call back in ten;
"sorry, I was real busy"
gremlin behavior, let me guess?
"I know I'm late by two hours without an explanation but-"
ooh, evil, what's the point of this?
thought you found it boring?
it is, easy game easy pickings, still,
pass the pain, see you shortie,
come back make jealous the muse after,
go, "oh yeah, I got a girl again, back to doing this and that"
and then?
she'll enjoy ruining you again, probably...
disgustingly pleasant plan, very well, should work still,
oh how the masochist thrills!
No.2150
>>2149didn't you say she reads here though?
so what? genuine pain is genuine henceforth it's pleasant to watch and read allabout it, remember when...?
yeah yeah, yeah I remember, don't bring that up again
"oh andy, you ruined my life like, on two occasions before, so I came crawling back again!"
what a sentence to hear that, you know that? makes a man swoon and go, "oh damn, third time's the charm I guess, be sure to brace yourself!" a boom, whiplash, every single time some crawls back, you crack it up again, every single time they come back, you serve it up again
that too, is what she's doing, to yous, the both of, it's funny though?
boy didn't you go, "I'm done I'm never coming back again?"
yeah?
isn't it gonna be tempting when you come back again-
and say, "sorry, I couldn't keep myself from you I'm addicted, turned my pain once more too into another painting just for you, let me worship you again"?
you think she's gonna hear that and go, "oh well, no I don't think I'd enjoy that"?
evil, evil evil evil evil, evil. I love it. go get to it give it some time to settle, she'll dish you some of that finest venom when you come crawling again!
oh, ooh, feel that, yup, the collar stayed on ever since we first met ever!
arf arf, I guess I love her!
No.2152
and YES it DOES feel better (and worse) than METH I'm talking from experience here talking to this bitch for TWO minutes leaves me comatose for THREE days
No.2153
trust the plan trust the plan trust the plan
No.2156
File: 2.jpg (37.47 KB, 226x226)
after half a sleep... I am back... to act even more like a hamster... maybe if I just spiral less and not make "evil plans" things might just work out fine....
No.2157
okay feel feeling it out
I worship her specific not anyone else, say "no I don't"? can't sleep, no appetite and start feeling like death
I can-shouldn't mind waiting in an inbox, painting and being allowed to be there without being blocked
yeahyeah yeahhhh "that's not fair or healthy"
it beats ego death and feeling like the world's out to get me
rather worship a girl that responds once half a week than go back to being a miserable jaded cunt again and
if she enjoys it, the devotion spam art spiral worship making me wait half a reply or any of it, that'll have been worth it
I mean fucking, I don't know man, I'm just saying I'd RATHER be able to sleep and not get all "none of this matters the world outside is just as boring as inside the room I've seen it all I've experienced too much I'm too bored I got nothing to live for" than, idk, be the "annoying obsessive guy that keeps painting the same girl over and over again"
love me some stockholm fr
No.2161
daily dose of self doubt before we get into the work LETS GO
this whole shtick is childish and too a waste of time
childish? bet, say, tell me monsiuer what is the mature way?
oh how low, work a nine to five then I spend it on consumer shit? har har har, should I come home restless to the bones and watch some westerns too? save up to buy another house then a car or something? save up so I can spend it on a bitch that turns my brains mourning???
loud and clear I hear you, take turn clap back let me hear YOU
one one, two, art performed to the climaxes of the crescendo,
retards watch laugh think "holy shit I truly am better than this guy"
THIS guy?
this guy that, THIS motherfucking GRRRRR, voice of a dozen now, even they support the wrong cause, this motherfucker that painted a dozen by now, toppled your titans, ye-ye-yetmedi biRRRRaz daha, alright, fine, THIS guy that sent YOUR sirens trembling in fear? THIS guy whose poems echo in YOUR hallways saying "man this is ironic yet unsettling", oh say come again cunt, I made you read 28 essays by now, what's the more "mature" alternative again?
um, nine to five and slouching on the couch?
this leviathan belongs on a lowrider BiAAAATch, mine spine sharp too as razor, I can't EVEN slouch if I wanted to, BOOM, out continue paint perform contRRRRol the narrative too guide these FOOLS once more!
click poof whizzzz....
No.2162
>>2161peace peace? you said you wanted
there is none, all but desire for control and too the pleasantries
when she exalted you, you hated her
I did because it SHATTERED the illusion
just last night you said you missed her? sent a WHOLE essay too, of affection?
what you think she accepted that out "the kindness of her heart"?
there is none, all but desire for control and too the pleasantries, you're flaking, losing momentum, the dripfeed is for
your addiction
she could've blocked you instead?
and that would've made me feel better in the long run,
you orchestrated this whole thing you were the one who wanted to be addicted in the first place, even the exalt was lifted, she gifted you back the gaze, said "fine, stick around if you want I'll take a look at whatever the fuck it is you're making"
what are you implying here...?
do YOU even know what you want anymore??? seems nothing is enough, when she's around you go, "why don't block me again bitch?", when she doesn't you say, "well now my fear of intimacy is unsettling", she gives you attention, then you turn and say, "this feels too good I can't produce anything for days stop it", you wanted recognition now ALL her friends know about you as "that one guy that paints her", WHAT more do you want can you STOP being too humanly greedy and just make some shit, some shit that'll stick some art or something?
what do I want? I wanted PEACE it WAS taken from me, only when I waged war I was offered back the "gentle" hand, I- had said, "oh please, have me addicted, for life", that, okay, fine, I'll get to painting...
No.2163
why is it that we always feel choked by our OWN identity?
everyone hates their own job
yeah but without identity we spiral, what would you rather be doing, playing video games?
motherfucker, you don't even like it when people say "wow that painting looks amazing"
you just whisper to yourself "man they don't really get it anyways"
you wanna hate others? fine, we can do that, but first, riddle me this,
what truly do you even desire?
well, not the money. I don't even like putting my shit out publicly, I feel raped when people praise my art or repurpose it and repost it, but that, that they should I think be allowed to still
bitch, you said, "I enjoy painting for one person only have her see it" she DOES she fucking sees it as per usual, YOU said, "attention kills the desire to create please don't overfeed me", AGAIN you said "manipulate me too fine or else I'll get bored really quickly"
FINE I get it I get it I get it, blame it all on her for my own orchestrating, just for what? I got bored of playing my own games? espressome, then express some, enough circular monologuing drop it
No.2164
okay you know what motherfuckers? here's the gameplan
today maybe too tomorrow will be spent religiously procrastinating, I'm gonna eat, nap, oversleep, daydream until (as it naturally does) the guilt creeps back into my mind for not having made anything cool, then, in a day or two, I'll get back on track, real obsession doesn't need to be maintained by hand because circular thoughts loop on circular thoughts loop on circular thoughts...
No.2165
like I spent the last five days painting that mf scroll she won't die if I spend a 24 hours not obsessing over her fr
No.2166
ruined ruined, ruined me too good,
ah-ah, ah-ah-ah! mind crawling,
crawling backwards, look ahead,
she's towering-
why am I the one on my back?
crushing, cruel my desires—
she's the one controlling them,
I should I could walk away there's no chain nor collar,
every time she let's me go I'm the inner crawling back,
for a crumb, spit of attention, my god for a mouthful of belittlement,
why why? be a man be strong lay claim?
rather be her throne myself, goddess please,
step on me...?
can I hold the door and
clown for half a minute of your attention too please?
ah-ahh, bad, bad-bad, how, disgusting...
No.2170
I don"t get it
No.2171
>>2170>commencez 2025>andrew goes into isolation because "I'll die in a decade or something I gotta churn out art before it's too late">make a twitter account for porn minimal hoe contact minimal socialization>start churning art in isolation>algorithm spoonfeeds him a very cute girl one day>dm "yo lemme paint u girl">finish it>dm "yo this one ain't good enough let me fall into obsession while I paint another one, obsession fuels art">seven days pass>dm her thousands, explain the psychological blueprint for pavlovian, obsession, addiction>give her the story of his entire life>she replies every now and then>minimal attention, no recognition on art (as instructed)>around the 28th day/9th painting andrew's mental breaks and he starts literally worshipping the girl>fast forward a dozen dramas, jealousy, push and pull games, backstabs, betrayals, faux promises of "you'll NEVER hear from me again bitch", tattoos of "this dog belongs to sizzly" etc, etc.>day fifty... let's check... fifty threeI can spill out the minute details of the manipulation, the games, etc. if needed
No.2172
W H Y did we do this?
idfk bruh, first time I met her she reminded me of one of those hoes that had me hooked for YEARS for some reason
you know? the kinda hoe that you're "friends" with but she just manages to keep you from getting on with anyone else for years somehow? that kinda shit, straight up told her THAT, went like "let's do that shit would be funny"
No.2173
I had a lot of shit waiting to be done too but I guess I decided to "start living" as zoomahs call it, just being an indulgent animal with zero self control but also trying to make art of it in the process, anyways, this one's almost done I'll drop it here as well
No.2174
File: ew.png (2.9 MB, 1228x1585)
actually fucking disgusting how poorly I made this, (on purpose (it's part of the vibe trust (bootleg stalker sends photoshopped eroticacore)))
No.2175
>>2174m1911, the ford key in reference to picrel, .45 round, obvious, handcuffs, hello kitty, """handwritten""" ink, the sexualized poem, everything else, mkay, drop the nuke, let's see if the whispers echo through the hallways once more now
No.2178
gonna eat some noodles I think then get to making actual normal art probably ngl
No.2180
>>2174they might've believed the shoop ngl, idk? it shouldn't be looking that realistic but idk bruh
No.2183
man did I go too far with that one? she had NOT been blocking the past few days but now she did... but that means it did land, but does that mean we got on her bad side now? should I tell her it's a joke????????? UGH fine just in case to be safe
No.2184
at least we GOT proof she reads all that shit, AGAIN
No.2186
>>2177fuck your rule 5 you idiot, that's half a cropped screenshot with you-don't-even-know-who acting like it's between me and her, anyways, apology accepted for the poor taste joke, onwards we move
No.2187
>>2186>that's half a cropped screenshot with you-don't-even-know-who acting like it's between me and herare you trying to act like you don't message her now?
No.2188
>>2187getting a funny reaction from one of her friends (who fucking talks to me back and forth like a person that's not stressed out) is not the same as
her replying to me like that you ape, again, if this was as much of a "one sided thing" I would've dropped it by now go be a moderator on discord please if you're so eager on protecting "muh ladies", like, her friends are in on "the joke" and whatnot the shit I send goes in around the group chats with people laughing at this kinda stuff
>>2174now FUCK OFF back to cleaning it up
No.2189
>>2188you were just doubting whether or not it upsets her though:
>>2183 No.2190
>>2189yes because I thought "well what if she can't tell this is poorly photoshopped (even though I told her not to take any of this serious 995 times beforehand) and gets worried and stuff"
is it not obvious? do I have to drop myself giving her out safety PSAs about what not to post on her feed in case someone actually cares to stalk her through the location proximity clues and shit?
need I feign my innocence your highness?
No.2191
look man I may be a clown, I may be a fool a JESTER even, but I am NO creep no freak, maybe a lil freak okay, FINE! but do know this, I only send her the funnies, the coolsie paintings, proper advice, affection and safety concerns... AND, she reacts differently time to time, it's a weird fucked up game we may be playing but she IS playing along, she lies to her friends about me and what I'm doing, I lean into it pretend "I'm gonna go stalk her irl", they all talk and laugh about it, my weird jokes circle their circles, sometimes she likes the shit I send, sometimes she blocks me over them, sometimes she only blocks the DMs just to see if I'm gonna meltdown in the replies, OTHER TIMES she lets the affection in, eat it up like my abyss she is, she sends out shit barely addressing me, even replies every now and then... but I am NO creep, as much as this is a weird fucked up thing we're playing... snff snff
No.2288
at LEAST now we ALL know this was NOT in my head, I really did fucking turn her into a sadist by being a masochist all too well for nearly two months bruh
No.2289
now I'm the one begging HER to tell me to stop it and guess what she will NOT oh my fucking god I should've walked away when I should've walked away she's not even gonna tell me to drop it ever again
No.2290
at LEAST now we know she DOES appreciate the art because hell fucking YEAH this is avant garde shit bitch
No.2291
okay I'm actually gonna finish this last piece off, sign it, send it, then dip for good for good, I enjoy skimming the surface of "fuck my life bae" I don't actually enjoy diving into it tho
No.2292
>>2291never play masochist with an inexperienced sadist kids! an old frienda mine always use'ta say, "man, BDSM with a cali girl? she'd probably keep choking til' you died then go 'oh oops' afterwards!"
No.2293
man okay nevermind I guess I'll just keep painting her inside the cage of my own until the day I die I guess I guess
No.2301
man jesus she's actually horrible at this shit too, ew, fucking ew reading a girl "trying to be dominant" I think it just killed my fetish reading her """try being dominant""" eww
No.2302
>>2301I mean come on dude what did we expect trying to do this shit with a girl that lost her virginity at 21 looking too shy taking regular selfies what did you think she was gonna be a seductress pro charmer ex limited edition or becky next door that can't ask for extra ketchup?
cmon dawg, cmonnn you told her "I want to worship you" on three different occasions she had to double check like "I don't look that hot tho, like, you know I'm not a celebrity are you sure?"
my brother this ain't no narcissist this is a silly girl with a phone trying to read the definition of what narcissism is, bruh
No.2305
jarvis dig through my contacts book, find that late 30s manager from the last workplace with anger issues and an ex marriage that didn't work out, we're finding a new dom today
No.2311
>>2302so I've fundamentally erased this girl's entire moral compass in less than two months and turned her into someone more than willing to be "predatory"
I guess given my own tendency to keep on going worshiping no matter how many times she told me it was a horribly unhealthy thing to keep doing, and I guess in the end, it probably impacted her mental from a "well apparently if people want to do unhealthy things you can't stop them, and if you can't stop them why not take advantage of them for your own well being?"
now does that take away from my lapdog #1 status? DOESN'T MATTER
how is this any unhealthy on my end though? I DID set out to dedicate this year (and the rest) to building a legacy of art to begin with, I'm still doing the thing I enjoy and wanted to do anyways, sure, not money but, it
is in accordance to my own ideals so, I guess I need NOT feel any shame
No.2312
I guess the results of this experiment answer my "why don't people worship their spouses/bosses whatever the fuck instead of invisible deities? at least that'd benefit them in a way" thesis
No.2313
with that, we'll go fund a normal normal bitch, spend a couple weeks getting used to acting like none of this ever happened, then go back to living a more normal life still dedicated to art
No.2314
>>2313FIND not fund jesus christ
No.2315
nope matter of fact just completely avoid hoes altogether
No.2331
>>2329now it feels wrong bruh fml
No.2333
>>2332this was NOT the PLAN we were supposed to play it cool be like "sup bitch stfu dog here's your daily painting" not a fucking "YES MAAM" blehhhh whatever man heat of the moment poor decision making
No.2334
oh mine heart flickers once more!
like the embers of a rekindled autumn flame!
oh once more, I ought write poems of worship,
oh serenades of the moonlight for her—
to read! cuz um, yknow?
she works the night shift and like,
moonlight serenade?
No.2335
>>2334ALAS we CAN'T do that, AS lemon HAD warned us, "if you're gonna obsess over a girl at a religious level you can't EVER let her know because she'll fuck your shit up if you give that much power up"
good words lemon, may yahweh bless your soul up in heavens brother
No.2336
look I know I made it look like an on the spot indulgent ass decision but that was mostly for the spectacle, but, if you would believe my lies for once, I *did* think about this beforehand
the reasoning is long as hell, so I'll keep that to myself but this serves actual meaningful purpose for everyone's benefit, not just fine art thrown into the abyssal voids of a cute girl's DMs for temporary indulgence, so, do trust the bedouin's lies this time
No.2338
bedouin walked here,
tent was no more,
and say, must've been a long night,
don't you feel tired?
and say, aren't you?
aren't you a mischievous little gremlin?
and say, then too,
do you enjoy playing with fire?
or do you just need the warmth?
and say, too then,
do you want me to, unravel you?
oh say, do you wish to be unraveled?